Mopping with the tap running: not saying ‘no’

Anyone who finds it very difficult to say ‘no’ is mopping with the tap running when it comes to their work. You can organise yourself as efficiently as you like – but if there’s consistently more coming in than you can reasonably handle, you’ll keep running round in circles.

What is it about saying ‘no’ that’s so difficult?

It’s just a little word, only one letter longer than ‘yes’. And yet, for many people, it’s very nerve-wracking to say it. Even when it comes to tasks that aren’t actually part of their job description, or when the person asking is being unreasonable.

Take, for example, colleagues who are consistently late with their requests or input, forcing you to stay late or work your fingers to the bone to get your own work done on time.

Supporting others

This becomes even more difficult in a support role, such as that of a secretary. Their job is to optimise other people’s productivity, in an environment that generates a great many ad hoc tasks for them. And whilst the proportion of such ad hoc tasks is always relatively high for a secretary, it may also be that their colleagues fail to think ahead, do not plan properly, or pass on tasks they do not feel like doing themselves.

‘Saying no’ is therefore a very useful skill for a secretary.

Often, difficulties with saying no are linked to a positive trait (perfectionism, a service-oriented attitude, commitment, enthusiasm, drive) that can spiral into a pitfall (taking perfectionism too far, being overly helpful, becoming unable to detach from one’s work, being over-enthusiastic, or taking on too much).

Your beliefs

Another factor that plays a role is a person’s beliefs: the image that most people have, consciously or unconsciously, of how they should carry out their role.

Your beliefs at work colour how you view situations and your own role.

This perspective is highly personal and shaped by all your past experiences.

It is neither right nor wrong in itself, but it can certainly get in your way.

Just look at the reasons that led these secretaries not to say ‘no’ to a question or request.

I don’t say ‘no’ because…

1-… I can do it faster than that colleague can

2-… I enjoy helping people

3-… I like him

4-… it’s part of my job to help

5-… I can fit it in, even if it’s not my responsibility

6-… letting someone down is unpleasant

7-… if I don’t do it, who will?

8-… then I’m not doing my job properly

9-… you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours

10-… I love taking the pressure off others

You can trace all these reasons back to the beliefs underlying those statements:

1-… I can do it faster than that colleague can

The person who can do a task the fastest is the one who should carry it out

2-… I enjoy helping people

If you like helping people, you should always say yes

3-… I like him

You don’t say no to nice people

4-… it’s part of my job to help

Someone in a support role mustn’t say no

5-… I can fit it in, even if it’s not my responsibility

If I have space in my schedule, I must fill it with tasks, even if they’re not my responsibility

6-… letting someone down is unpleasant

I mustn’t let anyone down

7-… if I don’t do it, who will?

I’m only allowed to say no if there’s someone else to take over the task

8-… then I’m not doing my job properly

You’re only doing your job properly if you always say yes

9-… a favour for a favour

If someone’s done something for me, I can’t refuse when they ask me for something in return

10-… I love taking the pressure off others

If you love taking the pressure off others, you must always say yes

Are all these beliefs equally reasonable?

Are they all equally tenable if you examine them critically?

Certainly not! They’re worth exploring, because if they stand in your way, you’re your own worst enemy.

Efficiency may well be your friend, but your beliefs are just as much a key factor in working smarter.

What can be done to say no

Depending on how the process works for you, there are several options:

• If you say ‘yes’ too quickly without thinking, build in a buffer response,
• such as ‘Can I get back to you on that this afternoon?’
• If you think you’ll have to do it yourself because there’s no alternative, remember that you’re not responsible for solving someone else’s problem. Keep focusing on the person responsible for the problem; if possible, escalate the matter at an early stage to a manager or someone who can make a decision on the matter.
• If you don’t say no because the task does indeed fall to you, but you then run into problems, it may be that your workload is structurally too heavy for the hours you have available. This calls for taking a step back and quantifying things: what is expected of you, how much time do those tasks take, and how does that relate to your working hours?

Are you interested in having your team work smarter, but not harder? A workshop or training Enjoy your Productivity gives you a unique opportunity to reflect on the way the team organizes their work, both on an individual level and on a team level.   

General information in Dutch may be found here. Please contact me for a tailormade workshop or training where both materials and instructions are in English.

There’s also the workshop ‘No’ Is a complete sentence, which has been specially designed for support professionals. In it, you’ll gain insight into the reasons behind your difficulty in saying ‘no’ and learn practical techniques to change this.

If you’d benefit from personal attention for your own challenges, a coaching programme Enjoy your Productivity may be a smart choice. General information in Dutch may be found here. Please contact me for a first online meeting to get to know each other better. Naturally, this is without any obligation and free of charge.