The Workhorse: why always saying ‘yes’ actually slows you down

It’s Monday morning and your diary is already full. Yet a colleague walks in with an urgent request, and before you know it, you’ve said yes. Late in the evening, you receive a text from a friend who needs help sorting out an insurance policy. You say ‘yes’ to that too. You’re the person everyone turns to: the reliable one, the go-to volunteer, the one who’ll sort things out. That makes you indispensable. It also makes you, perhaps against your better judgement, a procrastinator.

Because whilst you’re busy with other people’s tasks, your own work piles up. Not because you’re lazy or don’t dare to do it, but simply because there’s no time left. At the end of the day, you’ve worked hard, you’re tired, and yet you haven’t managed to get anything done that really mattered to you. It’s a strange kind of tiredness: you feel as though you’ve given it your all, but not to the things on your own list.

Why this happens

The crux of the Workhorse pattern isn’t a lack of time. It’s that saying ‘no’ feels like rejection, and that threatens your self-esteem. Somewhere deep down, you believe that your worth depends on how useful you are to others. So you’d rather fill your diary with someone else’s request than with your own priority, because at least that other person says ‘thank you’ straight away. Your own task doesn’t say anything back; it just lies there waiting.

That’s what makes it such an invisible pattern. After all, a Workhorse doesn’t come across as a procrastinator. You’re busy all day, busy, active. But keeping busy with someone else’s schedule isn’t the same as making progress on your own goals. It just feels that way, and that makes it extra difficult to break the cycle: after all, you have been working all day.

The strength you mustn’t lose

This pattern also has a real strength: Workhorses have boundless energy and, provided they plan well, can get an awful lot done. Friends and colleagues can count on you, and that’s something to be proud of, not something to try to get rid of. The aim isn’t for you to become less reliable. The aim is for you to treat your own tasks just as seriously as those of others.

What could you do differently tomorrow?

Before you say ‘yes’ to a request, ask yourself one question: if I do this, which of my own tasks will be pushed back to tomorrow as a result? Not to make yourself feel guilty, but simply to make it clear. You’ll often find that the trade-off isn’t nearly as fair as it feels: you’re swapping an hour of your own priority for half an hour of helping someone else, and you only realise that when you say it out loud to yourself.

A second step: practise giving an answer that’s neither a resounding ‘yes’ nor a firm ‘no’. ‘I can’t do it this week, but I can next week’ or ‘I won’t have time for it until Wednesday – would that still be okay?’ are both just as helpful as an immediate ‘yes’, and they protect your own time. You don’t have to let anyone down to put yourself first. You just need to get used to the idea that ‘later’ is also a valid answer, and that the world rarely comes crashing down because of it.

Finally: once a week, keep track for yourself of how many of your ‘yeses’ that week actually contributed to your own priorities. You don’t need to do anything with this information apart from acknowledging it. That’s often enough to help you make a slightly more conscious choice next time.

Is this you? See if you are, with my free test to determine your procrastination type.